He gives and takes away by Shine Morrison

He gives and takes away by Shine Morrison

God has blessed me so much with my three beautiful children. But I am the one of moms who is waiting to get to heaven and meet a child I’ve never had a chance to hold on this earth.

It was when my oldest one was about 3 year old and my second one was about a year and half when that happened. I was about 10 weeks pregnant when I first visited a doctor and confirmed that I was pregnant. I went home with such joy in my heart and feeling of a blessed future with that baby. I struggle to have a child about three years after we got married, so it was a constant blessing from heaven to us.

I went back for my appointment after two weeks later to have first ultrasound exam. Doctor looked inside of my womb for a few minutes in silence. He said, “I see the baby… But I don’t see the heartbeat. It might be too early to see it. So come back in two weeks and see if the baby has grown enough to show us the heartbeat.” I made another appointment, but my heart was crashed and went home with a heavy heart. I took extra care on my body and oh, I prayed and prayed that God will keep that baby alive and give to us.

Another two weeks passed and I went to see the doctor with my husband to see if there’s any improvement. Doctor began to look the baby in the ultrasound monitor in silence again. Finally he began to speak to us after his deep sigh. “It looks like the baby has no heartbeat and not growing. From the size of the baby, the growth stopped at about 9 or 10 weeks… I’m sorry but it won’t do any good continually carrying this baby. But come back in another two weeks to see if there’s any improvement.” We were both crashed as you can imagine… I went home crying and with such a disappointment. I began crying out to God even more to save this baby.

Another two weeks passed, and I went to my appointment again. The doctor began his exam as always in silence. After a few minutes he said, “It seems like the baby has begun to dissolve into your womb. I’m sorry to say but this baby is gone.” What a discouraging word… But I still had faith in God to believe that He can save this baby because even though the baby has no heartbeat, I wasn’t bleeding or anything and my blood test was still showing I was pregnant. I prayed and hoped for His miracle.

I spent another two weeks praying for a miracle. Then I finally began to bleed. I thought, “It’s over. God took my baby…” It was the hardest experience ever for my life since I could see how that baby could grow in our family while I was watching my other two children. I wept several days for losing that baby thinking I couldn’t hold that baby on this earth. If you are a parent, I know you understand that empty arm feeling.

But God heard my cry. I had a dream one night, I was weeping even in my dream, but I saw a huge hand and there was a baby on it. And I clearly saw it was a boy! It was a clear message from God to me saying, “Don’t worry about your baby boy. He is in my hand.” What a comfort! What a hope for eternity! Healing began to take place in my broken heart at that moment.

And guess what? I found out that I was pregnant in just a couple of months after that miscarriage. It was my third child on this earth, my youngest son. I miss the boy in heaven, but I also can’t imagine not having my youngest son on this earth today. He couldn’t be here if the boy in heaven was here. I don’t know how God chooses who should be on this earth and have a life. But I know He knows the best for each life. He gives and takes away.

You might have the same experience. You might have experienced this in your ministry life because ministry is something that God births into our life. Let me remind you again. God gives and takes away, because He sees from the beginning to the end. There’s such hope of eternity in Christ even when we don’t understand why God takes away the thing He gave.

*Permission — ChangingLife has my permission to use this article on their website.