Just walk away
History is a funny thing, for me anyway, It’s a constant reminder of how I failed. What I did wrong, and whom I disappointed. It visits me at night, when I am most vulnerable. Then the mocking words, I heard when I was young, rings as loud as thunder.
History never reminds me of the good. I like that, because who wants their great achievements to be past? I was a small kid at school, hell, up to 6 years ago… I was still small. I got tired of being beaten up and pushed around. I got tired of having no respect, no honor, no discipline.
I knew to become great, to earn the only respect that actually matters… self respect, I would need to become so ugly, that I was beautiful. So rusty, that I would shine. So committed, that I would run through a brick wall even if it got me just one inch closer to the truth.
Last night, I saw that little boy again. Getting ready for my workout, I felt small, weak, insignificant. Then I remembered my brotherhood of iron and what they taught me. I remembered every rep, every can of tuna, every Friday night at home, every failed relationship – everything I gave up to be here. Last night, just when you thought you would get me down, the switch flicked. I got to the gym and I became an animal. I did it for them…
I did it for everyone that told me it couldn’t be done. For everyone that turned their back on me. For everyone that wanted to fly the flag, but was too scared to step up. I did it for them… And even though they will never see me again, I do it for them and knowing that I AM and THEY ARE NOT – unleashes hell’s fury within’ me. I AM…. I AM doing it for THEM.
This is a difficult pill to swallow, this warrior attitude, this disregard and utter disrespect for history. To all that is sacred and treasured… I welcome it. Hold on to that pain brothers… Pain will teach you. Pain will remind you. Pain will drive you. Pain will make you pump out that last set when everyone else has left. Hold on to that, live it, breathe it, let pain consume you, for only then, will you truly consume it…
This ain’t for everyone, hell, it ain’t for most. I don’t expect it to be. I don’t want it to be and if this ain’t for you…
Then just walk away.
Strength and Honor